Today is not the best day.  Last night, Gavin had the consideration to inform me that his unemployment is running out in December, and if he has no job, then he could move in with his parents, basically abandoning RZA and me.  After everything that I have opened up to him about, it is a huge slap in the face to have him conceal this information from me, which, as it turns out, he's known for weeks.  Additionally, he hasn't attempted to construct a resume, nor has he applied for any jobs.  

It is very frustrating to have this situation to deal with.  It seems to make the most sense to just find my own apartment and go on with my life.  It is hard enough to get my own crap together without having to stress out about someone else's situation.  I am trying not to judge him or his decisions, but it seems like all the worst case scenarios I've thought through are coming true, and I'm done having conversations about him moving back home.  If he wants to do that, he should do that and be that person.  I just know I am not and cannot accept slacking off like that.

All of this Deepak Chopra reading has really helped.  I can look at the situation, not blame anyone, and move forward without being overly emotional.  I understand why I am upset about it, which is completely rational and normal under the circumstances, but I am not going to be ugly about it.  The fact of the matter is that our lease is up, Gavin is unpredictable and unmotivated, and I am in a position to find a place for myself and RZA, which I can afford if I give up a few luxuries here and there.

I've been eating like crap for the past week since Mom has been in town.  I have been trying to watch it a little, but not to the extent that I could.  Today I'm back on track towards a healthy diet and exercising again.  I am also going to work on the job search in full force!  I'm not going to let myself get down!